Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This baby is an asshole
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
