Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
