all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
