We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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