So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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