Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
