I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Congratulations! We have a period
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