i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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