reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
