I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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