you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
