Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
