I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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