Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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