The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
