why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
