he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
