Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
