Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
