Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I FOUND THE LEGS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
