Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
