Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
