i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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