We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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