there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
