He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
