soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I supernannyed him into submission
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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