so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
