Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
