Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
