Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
