I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
