Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
