All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
