Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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