i just google imaged poop.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
