i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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