Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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