is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
