you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
