They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
50% drunk capacity currently
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
