so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
