Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
