Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
