Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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