THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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