I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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