Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
