last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
