i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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