Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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