she was so not down for the gang bang
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
