yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
