Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
